LOOKING BACK...ONE YEAR LATER

I woke up this morning thinking of Linda. One year ago today, she died. For the past week, I’ve felt as if a dark cloud was hanging over me, dreading this day. But now that it’s here, my heart overflows with joy. I miss Linda terribly, especially at night. I miss having someone to come home to, someone to bounce ideas off, someone to snuggle with. But I’m slowly healing, and life is good. 

I was twenty and Linda was eighteen when we wed. Needless to say, we had more than a few rough years. In a sense, we grew up together, after we married. But God carried us through those difficult years.

It may sound weird, but if I could choose one word to describe this past year, it would be … “Blessed.” Seriously. I’m not kidding. In the throes of grief, I’m awed by God’s overwhelming blessings. I could write a book about it … in fact, I plan to. Oddly enough, Linda’s death has given me “eyes to see” God’s blessings in new ways.

I’m grateful we were able to celebrate fifty years together … barely. For me, our fiftieth anniversary was an island of hope in the midst of a sea of grief. But as the day approached, Linda was slowly failing. She could only go outside for very short periods. But thanks to God, her health rallied. She mingled with guests, posed for pictures, and had a wonderful time. Three months later, she was gone.

I’m also grateful for my little dog Rocket. Linda’s dream had been to get a French Bulldog. I’ll spare you the near-miraculous details that came together, so I could purchase him a week before she died. Linda was blessed to spend her last week with Rocket. Shortly before passing she said, “Take care of him for me.”  And I have. My little “Rocket Man” has been a delight.  

Of course, I’m grateful for the outpouring of love from family, friends, and church. But the greatest blessing of all is God’s presence. Over the past year, God has filled my heart with joy during my darkest days. Psalm 34:18 states, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Often my Father reminds me of the hope we have in Jesus, and that I will see Linda again on the other side. That hope is an integral part of who I am.

Ecclesiastes 3:11 states God “has made everything beautiful in its time.”  That includes death. Looking back one year later, I’m beginning to grasp this profound truth: there is beauty … even in death.